Weekend the First

First, a happy update.  One week into this little experiment in changing my life (you can just TASTE my understatement in that phrase.  Also, eating metaphors are impossible to avoid), and I am down to 293 pounds.  That's  down 10 for those counting at home.  Good news!  Also, except for one evening I am going to talk about below, I stayed pretty true to the plan.  Lots of fruits and veggies consumed, including some of the best stir fry I've ever made! (The secret, I think, is ginger.)

The real struggle came Saturday night when I wanted to be social.  As with many, most of my friends like to eat and drink, particularly when we're hanging out together.  I tried the abstinence route at first, thinking I would just forge through, but ultimately my personality and need to be jovial and fun-loving battered my defenses.  I decided to blur the lines.

I did pick the path of lesser harm, and avoided items with sugar and lots of salt, so there was that.  But I could tell immediately that my body wasn't ready or willing to handle the change.  I also stayed up WAY too late (a quick nap, like 5-10 minutes, does wonders for my ability to keeping going...) and by the next mid-morning, I felt sick.  Sorta like a slight hangover, just with less headache and more general queasiness.  Which, honestly, wasn't so bad.

HOWEVER.  Sunday afternoon, I went to play ultimate.  I plan a future post on why ultimate frisbee is a driving force in my desire to change, but if you don't know what it is. here's a quick link.  There's a group that plays every Sunday.  It's a variety of the sport that I like a little less, but it's pretty low-key and my lack of stamina doesn't stand out as much.  On the other hand, there's no subs, and you can pretty much keep moving the entire time if you're up to it.  I'm generally not, but hang out on defense when I'm tired.  At any rate, about 50 minutes in, I crashed.  I had nothing left.  I could manage a weak jog up and down the field, but I had no spring and my usually soft hands turned into hardwood.  I stayed for the last while, but felt worse and worse each minute.  Most disturbing, my knees, which had NOT been painful for the previous 3-4 days started to ache like the pre-change days.

Now. I don't know the medical reasons for any of this.  I could have been dehydrated, or fatigued from the less-than-stellar sleep of the night before.  It could just be that my new eating pattern hasn't completely kicked in and it's harder for my body to burn energy.  But either way, it felt a lot like failure, and with the summer league ultimate tourney coming up in a few weeks, pretty concerning.  Afterward, I went home and pretty well crashed.  I slept off and on all evening and barely moved.  Then, I went to bed.

That day officially starts my exercise goal, too.  We'll see about Monday.  The only goal is a mile brisk walk, but I also have summer league on Tuesday and I don't want my knees to feel like they did Sunday...  On the other hand, that's the reason I often find for not continuing regular exercise (the "I gotta heal" routine!)  Maybe I should push through?  I guess we'll find out.

Days 2-3: Kale, or why can't we eat nice things?

My smoothie for these two mornings was kale based.  Now, I know kale is one of those superfood type things that's oh-so-good for you.  But man, is it hard to make palatable.  Honestly, the only way I've been able to get the stuff down is to mask the bitter flavor with something better.  You know, like Bacon.  (That's not a typo, by the way.  I feel like Bacon should always be capitalized.  Like royalty.)

In smoothies, the problem is that it doesn't blend very smoothly at all which, if you pay attention to the name, kinda goes against the whole idea.  The only way to make it work is to use liberal amounts of a balancing agent.  My problem?  When I made this batch I was out of mango and bananas, which are the best balancers there are.  Sigh.

So I got them down (and, to be fair, they were filling and energizing.)  But it sure wasn't any fun.  The lesson here is plan ahead so you don't choke on your kale.  Write that down.

I'm still very much in the early throes of training my body that it A) doesn't need copious amounts of food and B) that food doesn't have to be comprised of fat and carbohydrates.  That means energy is low and sleep is difficult, which if you ask anyone that has to be around me, is the perfect recipe for grumpypants.  Luckily, I haven't started exercising much yet so at least my body hasn't completely revolted.  That'll start next week.

I'm still going strong, though!  Three days in and 5 pounds of water-weight lost*.  It's not much, but I'll take it.  See you tomorrow.


*I started at about 303 lbs.  I'm not COMPLETELY focused on weight here, but it's one of the things I'll be tracking.  So, for the record, 298 lbs.

Day 1: OH, THE CRAVINGS!

I started the day off with a glorious green smoothie.  I know they look a lot like baby poo, but the fact is, they can be tasty and energizing once you get the balance right.  Part of the secret is to include way more greens than you think you want (today's greens are organic spinach), what I call a balancing agent (a fruit with a broad, pleasant taste that will dominate the overall taste of your smoothie.  In today's it's mango, my personal favorite balancing agent) and the spices (which include other fruits with a sharper taste or other ingredients that you need to include because you need them in your diet but want to hide the taste however possible.  Today it's strawberries, flax seed and some super green powder that I'll talk more about another day.)

I pushed a lot of water today, which made me spend a good portion of the day walking back and forth to the bathroom.  The good news is that water is one of those things that makes you feel full without the negative effects of actually being full, and it's a good thing to keep around to "snack" on.  Beats chips.

The morning went well!  I stayed focused, avoided decadent snacky things and drank my water religiously.  However, as the afternoon wore on, my stomach (and brain) wanted FOOD, and it didn't care what kind.  Everywhere I looked, I saw cheeseburgers and pizza and ice cream screaming to be eaten (which were actually my stapler, phone and keyboard.  The brain is a powerful magician.)  I was able to gut through by focusing on work for a while.

I decided to work from home some in the afternoon to avoid being around food constantly (Yes, I work in a health food store.  No, not everything in here is "healthy", at least for me.  Damn those fine-smelling muffins.)  This worked for a while, then it was like I shut down.  I just needed to sleep, and nothing was stopping me.  It was a little earlier than I'd planned (luckily, my odd sleep schedule means I will often work for a few hours in the middle of the night), but it didn't matter.  Sleep cometh.

Six hours later, I awoke to THE CRAVINGS.  That need. It itches and pokes and scratches at you.  See, my brain knew there was some ice cream in the freezer (Cashew milk salted caramel cluster.  Yum.) and it WANTED THAT ICE CREAM.  It was all I could do to fight it off.  I ended up curled on the couch playing ipad games and pretending that I was in prison so I wouldn't get up.  Silly, but it worked.  For now.

There's no moral to this particular story, just survival.  Made it through day one.  God, how I'm dreading day two.

And so it begins...

I like to eat.  As with many people, my relationship to food is complicated.  I enjoy most foods, I'm not terribly picky (Except for cottage cheese.  Gross.)  The problem is that I tend to partake in foods that are not necessarily great for my overall health more than I do the ones that are.

I'm what they call a "stress-eater."  When things feel a little overwhelming, it's easy to say yes because it feels good in the moment to just let 'er rip and savor the tastes, no matter the eventual consequences.  However, that's not the only type of eater I am:  Celebrating something or someone?  Enjoy the spread!  Bored?  Crack open the snacks!  Feeling a little down?  Drown that sadness in a buffet!  Happy you had a salad for lunch?  Have a cookie (or 3)!

I don't think I'm alone here.  I suspect that many of us have this daily struggle with food and eating (or other addictive things, like alcohol or cell phones.  My metaphors won't stop.)  My plan is to change my relationship with food and to tell you all about it, warts and all.  I will admit when I struggle and fail, as well as when things go well.  I don't know what the end is, I'm just starting at the beginning.

So why am I doing this?  Well, physically, I've been in a rough place.  I have all sorts of excuses as to why, but frankly I think I've got some bad habits that will take a while to overcome.  

As I write this, here are some symptoms I've been experiencing daily:

• Aching and weak joints
• Lower back pain
• Trouble sleeping
• Easily winded
• Muscle tightness (and inability to stretch/feel loose)
• Chronic diarrhea (I told you it wouldn't be pretty)
• Headaches
• Bloated feeling
• Several others, some of which are more sporadic, some of which I don't care to mention.

How am I going to go about this? Well, I've heard from a few sources that many of these symptoms could be caused by chronic inflammation, so I thought I'd work at incorporating anti-inflammatory foods into my regular intake.  

Quick aside, the word "DIET" is a curse word to me.  Diets are incomplete, temporary and frustrating.  I'm not on any particular diet, nor do I want to be.  I'm looking to change my patterns and lifestyle in a way that feels natural and helps me feel better and do the things I want to do.  

OK, sorry for the interruption, back to the hows:  I'm really going to push vegetables and fruits, because I find that most health professionals think it's a good idea.  I'm going to try to be organic, too, just because I find the thought of consuming pesticides pretty unappetizing.  I mean, I have to fight myself to eat my greens anyway, why would I make it harder by imagining a dressing of imidacloprid.  I'm going to try and stick to fish and lean white meats for proteins, and not necessarily for every meal.  I'm going to try and eat more meals with decreased portions, and I won't hesitate on the healthy snacks (nuts, usually.)  My goal, after the first week or so (I know from experience that expecting too much immediately is a recipe for disaster) is to walk or exercise a little every day, with a general goal of at least a mile brisk walk.  Down the road once we see some improvement, I'd like to up this expectation once I know I can do it without being paralyzed by muscle pain.  

So there it is.  This is the start of something.  You, dear readers, can help me in many ways, but what I'd like the most is for you to expect that I keep up with this blog in an honest and forthright manner.  I will have failures, and I hope for real change.  The key is taking the journey and making it meaningful.  

Oh, and if you want to cook me food that's healthy, I'm totally in on that, too.